[Don't Give In Hope!}[Dare To Dream!]-
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
now i need to face all the problem... i say that i will be gone for few days... but something happen and i need to be back... from the morning.. i went place to place.. think and think... now myself only left sadness... still find my joys and happiness... haix... sorry to people that i did wrong... hope u all can understand... my smile become so fake... when i see people around me... they such pretty and handsome... when come back see myself... so ugly and fat.. haix.. why in my life are like this...
Sign off:
EiLeEn
*Be Yourself~
Monday, April 24, 2006
Sorry guys.. i make you so worry... sorry ken that i bluff you that i had delete this blog... hope you will forgive me bah... cos i scare will not affect our friendship... tell you guys... eileen has already gone.. cannot be find.. i just an empty shell.. i be gone for a few days.. just to find back eileen... hope i can find... today when i go back school... i feel something has gone.. i don know how to say.. when i talk to my friends.. i become wordless... i don know what happen to me.. this few days i cannot sleep well at all... i has been dreaming all the bad stuff... i think one of my friends told me.. even how i change.. i still ugly, stupid and dumb... useless person.. don have family care and friends at all... its really hurt me... but i accpet it... this is true bah... even i smile.. i feel so fake... not like the old eileen... even the sky drop.. she also won't scare... now diffrent le... thing has change... lot thing has happen... after school.. take bus with dina to tampines... after walk our own ways... when i take bus 22... i has stop around macperson there... and i walk home... than rain are heavy... but i don care... cos no one will know i am crying... while i am walking.. i think a lot a lot thing... i has make a lot a lot mistake... i feel like killing myself... walking pass building... i remember that.. got one time when i was in sec four... wanted to jump down... but i didn't.. cos i think about my family and people care about me... but now... i think no one care about me anymore... it is ok.. i accpet... haix.. i really hate myself... on the way back... suddenly, my nose bleed... maybe eat too much grassjelly.. wish bleed untill i die also good.... nowsday i maybe say bad thing to u guys..cos i don know what my mind is thinking... hope u all don mind... sorry...
~i really really hate myslef~
~eileen when u come back~
~i think i gone mad~
~don care about me~
~missing for a few days~
Sign off:
EiLeEn
*Be Yourself~
Sunday, April 23, 2006
this story going to ending... will be?? still unknow.. haix... why life are so suck... hate it... i am useless person in the world... cry and cry for nothing.... me just left alone in the world... just i had say before i just a person walk pass people life.. slowly slowly people are leaving me... Eileen where are you?? she has gone.. just left an empty shell behind... i am nothing.. my smile use to brighten the day.. now the smile has gone... it coundn't be found anywhere... trying to find... love a person are so easy.. forgetting a person also hard... what i gonna to do?? die?? jump down?? or just leave it??? i use my heart to make friends and things... i want people to happy... i don't care about myself.. in my mind friends are important... sometime i remember those people saying me... that really make me sad.... wat can i do.. i just fat, ugly and stupid... i know nobody like me at all.. i know who am i... it really hurt me a lot... just not long... family problem arise again... i always stuck on the mid... haix... i think i shouldn't be born into this world... i never give up in anyone... i want to help people watever i can... in my heart.. i has a lot thing to say... friends are really important to me... same to my family.... i don want to see people getting hurt.... when i see my friends sad... i also will sad... i will try my best to make them happy... sometimes i don understand people why keep saying me... i know i had my bad point... maybe in this world nobody will belive me.... maybe i really don have a friend at all... why people keep using me... maybe i am dumb or what... my brother told me that people use you.. you also don know... cos i always belive what people say.. never think before helping them.. when you been used you also don know... haix.. really no comment... why??? i hate my life.. i hate myself... nothing i make is good...
~counting my life day by day~
~i hate myself~
Sign off:
EiLeEn
*Be Yourself~
Sunday, April 16, 2006
since the day after i help you ask from pay... you become so cold to me... haix... why??? did i do wrong or what.. pls say can?? even we cannot be lover.. but we can be best friends... hello.. i still treat you as best friends... forget it.. since i sms you than you don reply.. fine lor.. I HAVE NO COMMENT... I THINK PEOPLE ARE SLOWLY LEAVING ME... HAIX.. LIFE ARE SO SO SUCKS!!! DID I DO WRONG OR WHAT... PLS SOMEONE TELL ME!! HAIX... HATE MYSLEF!! HATE MY LIFE!!WHY NOBODY CAN UNDERSTAND ME?? I AM SO SAD... WHEN I GO TO BED... I CRIED.. I THINK A LOT THINGS...GOD .. IF MY LIFE CAN REPLACE EVERYBODY'S HEALTH OR HAPPY.. OR EVEN SAVE SOMEONE... I WILL GIVE UP ON MY LIFE TO THEM...I THINK NO ONE GONNA CARE ABOUT ME.. NO ONE WANT TO TREAT ME AS FRIEND... NO ONE WANT TO SHARE WITH ME ABOUT THEIR STUFF... I JUST AN OUTSIDER.... IF HE SAW THIS BLOG... I ALSO NO COMMENT.. COS I WILL NOT CARE... NO ONE WILL CARE ABOUT MY FEELING... I AM JUST PERSON WALK PASS YOU GUYS IN LIFE... AFTER THAT I JUST NO ONE IN PEOPLE LIFE... I JUST MY LIFE TO BE SIMPLE... LOVE A PERSON ARE SO EASY... FORGET A PERSON ARE SO HARD.. I HAD FELL INTO A TRAP.. AND I NEED TO GIVE UP MYSELF... IF SOMEONE CAN UNDERSTAND ME.. THAT WILL BE SO GOOD.. I THINK DON HAVE BAH... PEOPLE ARE BUSY IN THEIR STUFF.. WHO CARES ABOUT ME... REMEMBER I JUST A NOBODY.. EILEEN WAKE UP.. JUST LEFT ALL ALONE BY YOURSELF...WHAT LIFE??? NO ONE WILL BELIVE ME AGAIN... I HATE MY LIFE.. I HATE IT.. HATE IT SO MUCH... I AM A GAL.. THAT ARE SO NOISE.. MAKE PEOPLE ANGRY... DISTURE PEOPLE... WHAT CAN I DO IS BAD THING... I AM EVIL PERSON.... SO PEOPLE DON MAKE FRIENDS WITH ME.. FROM THE DAY I WAS BORN UNTILL NOW.. NOTHING SINCE GOOD THING TO ME... ALL THE BAD THING HAPPEN ME... WHY U ALL MUST TREAT ME LIKE THIS.... I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE... I DON WAN TO HAPPEN AGAIN... HOPE THAT I CAN DIE NOW... I DON WAN PEOPLE SUFFER AS I DO.... WHY HAPPEN AGAIN.... WHY??? AM I SO DUMB OR STUPID OR WHAT... I DON UNDERSTAND... WHAT MUST DO THIS TO ME?? I STILL A TEEN... ALL THE THING I SEEN IN SHOW OR MOVIE... IT'S HAPPEN TO ME.... WHY?? HATE IT.. HATE IT....EVEN NOW ALSO HAPPEN... AGAIN AND AGAIN... I REALLY CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE... HAIX... LIFE ARE SO SUCKS... I CANNOT IMAGE THAT ******** HAPPEN AGAIN... EACH DAY I GETTING WEAKER AND WEAKER... ONLY HIM AND SOMEONE KNOW ABOUT IT... I JUST COUNT MY DAYS ONE BY ONE... I KNOW THE FACTS... I WILL NOT SAY THE RESULT TO ANYONE ACCPET TO MYSELF... I AM USELESS, DUMB, STUPID AND UGLY... PEOPLE WANT TO SAY ME.. LET THEM SAY... I ALSO DON CARE.. AND I HAVE NO COMMENT...
*HATE IT*
*NO ONE WILL BOTHER IT*
*LIFE ARE SO SUCK*
SIGN OFF:
EiLeEn
*Be Yourself~
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Silent only choice left childlike smile is no longer entertaining. I afraid of the outcome. So desperate injury by myself. I though I had block your beautiful future. I do not want myself waiting for you. But I will silently and waiting you without you knowing.
Missing of a person, feeling the need to act.
Thinking of a person, requiring deep mark.
Close to a person, need with sincerity.
Love a person, needs full courage.
Abandon a person, is a very easy task.
But in my heart, forgetting you is the hardest thing.
Look straight into my heart right here.
This is how much I love you.
Like the moon never smile without the shinning stars.
Just wanna be your lover. ~Daydreaming~
I will still be waiting for you, right here.....
Those sentence is written by my heart...
I wish I could shout " I love you" to you...
But i think i just day-dreaming..
It won't happen to me...
I just can count step by step...
Sign off:
EiLeEn
*Be Yourself~
Monday, April 10, 2006
i had been more useless... i wish i could the one by your side... haix.. i had think too much.. now i had been lost feeling with you... i try to be.. you think i can?? why i always be your item... just want you need it i will be there for you.. when u don wan it.. and u just throw it one side... i am human not an item.. i also have feeling de... i am not simple as u think.. i know myself well than you.. everyone since to leave me apart... maybe i am evil or what.. i may not know.. just need people to tell me.. i been think so much in this few day.... think about this and that... getting more more sick... wish myself get well soon... i just a person that are push into hell.. getting lower lower to 18th floor.. will i?? i just a simple gal wish has a simple life, simple love life and simple family... can i?? am i simple?? i also don know... can have a person bring watch stars , care about me and just be there when i need him... maybe i am day-dreaming... this kind of thing won't happen to me... haix.. see my family... haix.. no comment... they keep making a lot problem.. and i just need a break from it... i am not a super women.. can solve every problem... i just a normal human as others do... suddenly i wish i could end my life to here... i would like to thanks the people that has belive in me or be friends with me.. i treasure a lot... thanks guys.. if i don know you guys... i may not living so long till now... haix.. life was a torture to me..
~ending soon~
~feeling has lost in you~
~thanks for teaching me a lot stuff in life~
~i had learn a lot from it~
*what is my true friends?*
*what is my life?*
*do i love myself?*
*what is important to you?*
*what is love?*
^still got a lot lot i have learned^
* mean the things i had learned ...
+WILL LIFE ENDING SOON??+
=IS A BIG BIG UNKNOWN=
Sign off:
EiLeEn
*Be Yourself~
Saturday, April 08, 2006
i wish i could go back the past that we were happy.. i regret that i intro you job... i think you been asking too much... where can you find a job... that what you want they will give you... hello.. the company not mine... even i am the boss, i wouldn't give too much good thing... every job has the hard part.. not every job is easy as u think... if a boss give u what u want... the company soon will break down... i don wish to qurrel with u about this matter... i will try my best to help you... you always can say no, if u don wan to do.. and no one is forcing you... is i being too good to u... haix.. i don know.. cos i know i always is evil person... what is life.. i wish my life is simple and nice... i don know whether you will saw this blog... i hope not... cos i know you sure will hate me...
~Why i still thinking of you??~
Sign off:
EiLeEn
*Be Yourself~
Thursday, April 06, 2006
haix... i was in hospital.. can be count i stay there for two days... there was scary sia.. i wish he is there for me... i think too much le... but i am lucky have a bunch of friends come and see me... thanks a lot guys.. i am touched by you guys... i was in the hospital.. every four hours the doctor and nurse take blood from me.. when they haven put the needle in my hand.. i cry like shit... pain.. now my hand swollen... whole body so pain... i also wan to thanks my DB mate and teacher sent me to Hospital.. thanks... thanks Mr Raymond for care and concern... when i was in hospital i think a lot.. think of the horror nurse tat i watch in movie... haix.. when i was admitted in hospital.. the doctor poke needle on my hand... for the tube.. than my hand bleed... untill the whole hand and bed kanna... so pain.... i still remember the pain... i also don know why i keep thinking of him... why? never mind.. time will pass very fast de right? haix..
~i don know what to do~
sign off:
EiLeEn
*Be Yourself~
name.~EiLeEn KoH