[Don't Give In Hope!}[Dare To Dream!]-
pROfiLe~

name.~EiLeEn KoH
school.~Lasalle~
bdae.~30/11/88
hp.~96005456~-fake de-
location.~Serangoon~

wIshES~

new thumbdrive or harddisk...
Find a true lover..
Macbook pro laptop..
Wanna to be a media manager..
Be part of SM company family..
Earn big bucks$$...=p
Don't want to be Sick!

lInkS~

Jessica | Sherwin | Joanne | Siew fang | Joeyee | Vio | Amy | Edwin | Delvina | Caroline | Chicken feet | Sharon | Taufik | joanne koh | Denise | Simon | Shu Min | Diana | Marcus | Li Juan | Anthony | Lien | Kat | Li ping | Carlos | Sophia | Merilynn | Timothy | The Release | Evelyn | Michelle |

sHOutS~



aRcHiVes~

January 2006
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March 2006
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June 2006
July 2006
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November 2006
March 2007
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April 2010
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cREdIts~

FF*-

Brushes- 1| 2

Thursday, March 30, 2006


today had fun and sad... no comment... haix... i don know how to an wei him.. i still think of him... haix.. Initial and now you come, you enter my heart, in love with a story. I hope this is not a dream. In my heart that you must not miss. I might look like a fool. Then occasionally arise between us. But all this is a transaction that would expect to have a really in love with. In the near future we will build your good, but I really did not confident to do so. I went to look for his past, now, we should return to their own past, it is a natural thing, why is he constantly decide. You have to find what you want love, and now, they should leave, I should be happy to be smiled away you, but why can you see my eyes, I tell of in love with. Although love is already elapsed, but in this moment, think so happy. As in the dream, finally realized that we are in love with the other side from the outset. I went to look for his past, now, we should return to their own past, it is a natural thing, why is he constantly decide. You have to find what you want love, and now, they should leave, I should be happy to be smiled away you. I really can not love? You really can not? Even now, I was to love you. 。 。

~ just a fairly story~
~won't come true de~

Sign off:
EiLeEn

*Be Yourself~

Wednesday, March 29, 2006


Yesterday i went to see my mother... i saw that she had a great pain... my heart also very pain... the nurse anyhow de.. poke the needle untill my mother bleed... oh gosh.. my heart like broken into pieces... i very sad saw my mother like this... haix.. why life are like this... maybe one day i cannot take it anymore... i just jump off... today i was so sick... my whole body very pain... keeping vomit... after some rest.. feeling better.. i hope my mother is ok right now... a lot problem coming toward me... i am ok with it... as long it won't hurt my friends and family... if i die and can save the whole world.. i will do it... i don't like to see my friends and my family in a great pain... pls god.. if they do anything wrong.. just push it to me.. all of them are kind.. is me is the most evil and useless de... haix... hope everyone of them are happy... always smile... thinking of him.. i don know what to say... haix.. maybe i just torture myself.... i feel like crying out of my heart...

~hey guys.. don be sad... cheer up... i will be there for u guys!~

*joanne and amy.. just remember nothing will gonna happen... don worry... i want to see u guys happy-go-lucky..... got any problem just find me.. i will be there for u guys...*

Sign off:
EiLeEn

*Be Yourself~

Monday, March 27, 2006


life so suck to me.. even i need to die or wat.. to save my friends and family.. i will... pls pls god.. don hurt my family and friends.. anything just hurt me can le... i swear for my life... i pray for u guys and my family.. hope that everything will be fine...

sign off :
EiLeEn

*Be Yourself~

Sunday, March 26, 2006


HAIX... what the hell is happening... problem keep on happen and happen... when can it stop... hello.. someone can answer me.... i really really regret that time i never jump.. but never mind.. soon i will die.. right?? or someone just kill me.. my life is torture.. haix...



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EiLeEn

*Be Yourself~

Thursday, March 23, 2006


Yesterday he ask me to call him.. i was shocked at first.. than i ask him why.. than when i call him.. than i know the reason.. not because there has other person in the phone call... he just want to know about the person in the work place.. after that his phone low battery... than he reach home.. he msn me.. say sorry tat his battery flat... haix... i actually wan to tell amy, joanne , denise, anthony and others.. but i think.. if i say.. i will become more sad.. so i decide not to say... than he ask me about pay and other stuff... i told him that i very lazy to do my 3D works.. than he ask better go and do.. or else i cannot finish it in time... when he told me this.... my feeling is back for him... i though i feeling for him has gone.. but i think haven... I listened to the quiet has been long mood clear transparent is like beautiful scenery total in memories, before they invalid been brains and heart can not be able to continue. haix.. I want is only you on my side.. but i think too much le... it will not happen...

~what is life???~

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EiLeEn

*Be Yourself~

Monday, March 20, 2006


Nowsday i think of myself just like a shit... i hope he will say he don like me... i already say that i like him... but i don wan to say at all... cos i know that my heart already broken into pieces... cos is an promise.. so i must do it... i already left nothing... if i need to go.. i think it's time le.. haix... nowsday i feel so sad... slowly time past.. i am big, fat, short, ugly, bad attiuide, stupid, idiot and a big big fool... i don understand myself at all.. i also don know how to dress up... why i always stuck the middle... i don know how to spend my night... and tomorrow.. my feeling telling.. something gonna to happen.. and is a bad bad thing... i really want to know what is that.. every night i cry and cry.. when can stop... my heart really pain.. now i trying to avoid him due to let me forget him... but we still friends.... haix....


Sign off:
EiLeEn

*Be Yourself~

Saturday, March 18, 2006


suddenly i know something... when i go to see his blog.... no one force you work for my dad... i know u want a full-time job... but my dad one is like part-time.. i also don know what to do.. i also don know what you want... the company is not mine... i am not the boss... everytime i saw you.. i feel is my wrong or what.. i don't know what to do.. why life must put me in a hard place.. everywhere i go... there always a problem... not just a simple problem.. its make me want to end in this world... i don't want to... i know sure got people hate me.. just they don't want to say.. now i want to know.. if you all hate me.. just tell me.. i won't scold you or what.. i just want to know the fact.. don worry i will get hurt or what... just tell me.. i really sick of it... cos i going to end in this world.... maybe i leave in days or months or years.. i don't know... i just want to tell you... nothing much i can do... if anyone want to kill me.. just kill... today i most die... just because i eat the food inside got nail... if i never bite... i think you guys will see me in hospital or coffin.... haix.. whatever i see you online or chat with me... tears will drop... when this torture going to end... can i have a person to talk to... a person really care for me.. and always be there for me... this thing won't happen de... haix... i just a big fool of myself....

~love you just a mistake~
~love you because i just a fool~


~EILEEN IS A BIG FOOL IN THIS WORLD~


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EiLeEn

*Be Yourself~

Friday, March 17, 2006


I really cannot take it anymore... i cry from yesterday night untill morning.. before i go to school.. i try not to cry infront of my friends... i try to be happy the whole day in school.. but in the evening when i got into the bus... i was almost cry.. but i didn't.. when i send denise to bus-stop.. i walk back to my house... suddenly i cannot hold my tears anymore... i just cry... haix... what can i do.. maybe i can see your shadow only... i know you won't like me de.... all the thing you told me.. all bluff me de.. why you should do thing that make me touched... why?? i know you only like pretty girl.. but me just an ugly duckling... people call me nicknames... sometimes i will sad... you told me that when i become pretty don't forget him... i think the day won't comes... me and you slowly will leave apart.. forget it... even i say so much also no use... you only asking for things are important to you... the rest you won't care... fine lor.. remember even i leave this world, i think i won't tell you... i don know which part of yourself is true... you think yourself very highly... now is the time that i have to step by step to forget you.... i try my best don care about you anymore... even i owns you so much.. i just repay what i need to pay... the rest of it.. i would just say take care... i don't want see myself hurting... is really pain... even you don know my blog... i just hope.. one day.. you will know it.. what you are doing... i not saying to let u know my blog... cos i know you sure avoid me de, when u saw my blog... now i trying to avoiding you... cos i don want to know what you are doing.. don want to know you and her.... even i meeting you just for gathering only.. i just treat you as a friend.. nothing else.. after that i really don want to care.... sorry.... this is what i can do....

~Forgetting of you is hard~
~Don't think about you is hard~
~Don't care about you is hard~
~ Those time we are happy together, i will not forget in my life~

Sign off:
EiLeEn

*Be Yourself~

Thursday, March 16, 2006


WHY??? I REALLY HURT BY YOU..... WHY DO THIS TO ME??? THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I CRY LIKE SHIT... FEEL LIKE JUMP OFF... CAN SOMEONE KILL ME.... HATE MYSLEF... WHY YOU WANT TO SAY MY FRIEND... THEY ARE JUST JOKING.. WHY YOU BECOME LIKE THAT.. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE PERSON WHO IS SAD AND STRESS.. YOU GOT THINK ABOUT OTHERS... I PLEASE YOU... I PROMISE YOU A LOT.. I PROMISE THINGS I WILL NOT DO.. NOW FORGET IT.. I WON'T LISTEN TO YOU... IF I DIE.. I WON'T TELL YOU.. WHATEVER I DO... I WILL NOT TELL YOU... I WILL GO DRINK , CLUBBING AND EVEN SMOKE.. I AM TIRED.. WHY LIFE WANT TO TORTURE ME??? MY HEART VERY PAIN... WHY YOU MUST TELL ME.. YOU AND HER... FORGET IT... THE ONLY THING I CAN DO IS HATE MYSELF.. OR DIE FASTER... I AM JUST A FOOL OF MYSELF...
btw thank to my classmate... today i am touched.. thanks for buying sweets, biscult and other stuff... the people are amy, jessica, melvin, chun meng, wei xiang and jia wen.. thanks a lot.. i also thanks those people show care and concern for me... the people are joanne, denise, herman, amy, jessica, bernice, joan, qi qi, shu min, david, raymond, bing yee, siew fang, elizabert, jia wen, roland, melvin, chun meng, albert, wei xiang, bryson, hong meng and others... thanks a lot... just remember that when you guys need me.. i will be there for you guys... not forgetting our best friend LITTLE MONSTER! sorry guys.. nowsday happen a lot thing... and i don know what to do... don worry for me...

~FORGETTING OF YOU IS HARD~
~I AM JUST A FOOL~

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EiLeEn

*Be Yourself~

Wednesday, March 15, 2006


Why you must treat me as a toy or what.. i just treat u as a friend.. and u like that treat me.. u know it really hurt... i treat everyone as my best pal... i have nothing to say... i am stress of it... i don wan to go back my past.. it was horror... and scary... somemore i may not have the time with my friends and love ones... i may be gone forever... when time is up.. i will tell... a lot thing has hurt me.... and i cannot take it anymore... cos i want to be happy untill the very end...what if i know that the time have a race with me.. i may be left a few months or few days.. i can't bear to leave u guys and my love ones... if you guys want me to leave... i sure will leave and never or may not appear infront of u.. i been try hard to smile and make myself happy.... but i can't... the smile i use to have maybe has gone.... when i can get back... i miss the the times when we are together... haix... my heart really really hurt... i treasure everyday, everyhours, everymins and everysecs with u guys...if i really do wrong.. please tell me.. i try to change..... i really don wan to go back my past... i am scare... if i really gone.. just remember that when u need me.. i be there for you....


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EiLeEn

*Be Yourself~

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


today i don know what to do.. so decide write another post... haix.. now i feel very lost... should i belive... cos life are really torture to me.. i wish something will happen in good way all the times... WHY? WHY?Let the words remain unsaid...knowing there were words I've never said.. I think I have already begun a bit puzzled seems to be. what Is already have no alternative, sad is we done a choice is right or wrong nobody knows. If I go all out to in order to obtain, why in my mind there are cannot bear to Seeing you. loaded a smile disguised fragile. We should overfill how long. If now openings, how to retain the feelings of this line doomed can only This Mody far could not believe have arrived at the terminus think you love him will definitely some more between us will find it no longer possible to return to the former conditions. I also Motivated paintings a happy Line Seeing you glowing also continued to loaded smiling faces disguise of tortured. I can sustain it how long. If now openings, How retain the feelings of this line doomed you have to give up. you should also have a smile to hide the fragile hold long. so far you walk around with a smile also vulnerable to hide for how long?

~Do you want me I need to know.~
~Can you feel it let it show. ~
~I can hide it deep within myself.~
~Everytime I look at you I know.~

Sign off:
EiLeEn

*Be Yourself~



today is a sad day.. and bad luck day... today i fall down infront of my class and other class... oh my god.. so paiseh lor.... i kanna cut on my hand.. pain sia... stupid melvin laugh at me... wat stupid guy... everytime scold me brainless... don know who is the one brainless lor... everytime say melvin is the pro... lol... he is the pro, than i am miss singapore... haha.. just joking... lol... feel that something has gone... something was been gone.... slowly i belive wat people told me about friendship and family... haix.. why like tat.. never mind i got little monster... but i coming up, new story.. called little elephant... these few day.. i getting more sad.. just i don wan show on my face... cos i think people think this girl very fake or wat... haix.. when can i leave the world... cos slowly i feel people are leaving me.. why they cannot understand me... i just want to let them know that i care.. just leave happy.. why everytime find trouble on me... feel like shouting.. what is my feeling... AAHHHHH!!!!


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EiLeEn

*Be Yourself~

Monday, March 13, 2006


Recently happen a lot thing... i really don know wat to say... my head really really pain.. i had a lot stuff haven settle.. sometime no people understand me... i haven finish 3D stuff.. family problem.. and my own problem...what i gonna to do... at least finish half of 3D stuff.. if not can kill... trying to smile everyday.. but cannot smile by my heart... i very very very SAD!!!! WHY??? i really don know waht to do.... wish that i can leave the world.. but when i gonna leave the world.. please let talk to my every friends and family and the person.. and i can rest in peace... I really very tired le... when can it stop..... haix....


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EiLeEn

*Be Yourself~

Tuesday, March 07, 2006


Now i don know what to do.. everynight i keep crying for no reason.. i wish i have someone to talk to.. but i don know who? maybe to my doremon.. doremon is the best.. he always by my side when i sad.. i know that his is an non-living thing.. how?? i can talk to him.. now everyone think i am stupid and dumb... why life want to torture me.. i just want to find my love one.. the person who love me.. or even a person can be there for me.. just want that... i also want my friends... every friend is important... if i don have them.. what can i do?? now i am wordless... i don have the smile i used to have... wish you are there... when will i die?? i wish to know.. so i have the time to tell my family and friends and you that i really care about you all.. without you guys.. my life is meaningless... at least we had a fun time together....

*Always smile by your heart*

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EiLeEn

*Be Yourself~

Monday, March 06, 2006


Why treat me so cold... i tired.. why so i so stupid.... my heart got wound and couldn't be cure.. only you... i wish i can exist in this world.. so nobody know me... why everytime i think of him.. it make me wanna to cry.. Unknowingly, i wondering in my past again. The autumn wind silently calling out to me. All i hear is loneliness. The anticipation of fallen leaves.each leaf is caught in between a dilemma. The heart walks away and the loneliness seek in. Follows through and flow into darkness. I no longer bother to ask question or listen to what is being said. Maybe i'll feel better this way? I am locked up in this room by regret. Struggle only means delay. The empty talk with hope. The light sighing one after another. I cannot break off the memory. How can i get rid off this entanglemeny. I cannot find a direction to the rainbow heaven. To use happiness to touch the sadness. Wish to hold you untill end of the world... Can i?? Maybe you would't remember me...

~I HATE MYSELF~
*I HATE YOU*

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EiLeEn

*Be Yourself~

Saturday, March 04, 2006


me like writing love story in my blog... haha.. later going out with amy, joanne, denise, anthony, edwin and the BRITHDAY BOY JOSHUA... haha.. go to eat steamboat.. but i cannot join them for the movie at the late afternoon due for my 3D stuff.. i don know wat to do.. haix... i wish i can see him everyday.. but cannot.. i have school.. and he got stuff to do.. better don disture him.. wait he think i very fan.. i think everytime i blog.. i wish to tell him something... I miss the time we are together, that night you give me the gentle grasp hands warm throughout the night lost once ownership in your left after taking away the smile leaving only lonely forgotten happiness is or what is not your night special dark only shut eyes to feel not my night who on your side instead of the former can listen once you love me back in your arms when can I once again have you again in my side.... If you no longer appear in my world what else valuable. It is a pity not enough time for us pilot what is a forever miss turned into cherish the memory of heart beat turned into sad for God's sake will also concern at the you. Finally belonging to the Who am I. My Heart is a defoliation the season. I do not know how they could survive Tonight all the lights as early as have all starving. If you have never emergence of I will think that happy some. It is a pity. Cruel time total should regard promises a little bit destroy miss turned into cherish the memory of heart beat turned into sad for God's sake will also concern at you. I do not know how they could survive. My Heart is a somewhat grey leaf season. I do not know how to spend whole night. when my mind is think of you every now and than... without him.. maybe i still a simple mind thinking person.. don know wat is good or bad for me... he teach me a lot thing... now i know who is my true friends.. i also know who to belive.. how to love myself and my friends.. if not i maybe exist in this world.. will not live in this world..

~Think postive~
*There always someone out there care about you de*
^ My dear friends if you have any problem just tell me.. i always by your side...^
`I always lend my shoulder and my listening ear for you`
~If anything happen, just remember tat you have a friend call eileen~

Sign off:
EiLeEn

*Be Yourself~

Friday, March 03, 2006


Today damn bad luck... got ppl follow me... shit him... haix.. everytime i talk him..
he like don wan to talk to him.. i very sad... fine lor don talk more better right...
i think tat he is using me... cos i can help do something for him...
everytime he only ask me about those important... after he just wan to hang up...
don wan to talk to him.. damn sad lor... haix.. don wat to say... i just wan to tell him...
Refrain from and weep. This scene how familiar with Capitalise on a your hand mutually are
reluctant separation each time wish to openings but inferior to maintain quiet addressed to me
one minute concentrate on make good appreciate your the US happiness mix of sorrow pain is in
my mind cross-cutting setbacks tears can not testing love weight pay love amounted Huan
owed to you I can not give Do not mistake my mind also taken away to follow each time and
you separately from deep by your defeat each time abandon your gentle suffering difficult to
dispel his suspicion each time Kiss you Goodbye love the taste At this moment I finally
understands best but owed to you I can not give I came to understand the love truest taste
I finally understand .... i also wan him to know tat in my heart...
In my mind something of a name not deliberately can not forget this one you give me the day
more interesting even to breathe into a sleep in my bedside respectively inside front of your
shadow eyes You also fail you if love is the Prince and Princess of the game boyish be any
problem holding you and I accompany you see meteor me as you put time on rain or rain to
lead you to find a romantic naive conclusion because you I believe the world really exists
miracle .. i hope him will like tat think... sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don think too much.....

*Everyday, Everynight, Every hour, Every min, Every sec i can't stop think about you!!*

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EiLeEn

*Be Yourself~

Thursday, March 02, 2006


everytime.. everyday.. every min... every sec... i was think of you..
everytime.. everyday.. every min... every sec... i saw u sad.. my heart pain...
everytime.. everyday.. every min... every sec... u need me.. i alway stand by your side...
but why i can't stop think of you... Why everyone can find their lover..
but not me.. sad.. i could i wish he know i **** him... but.. he only love those pretty gal..
but not me.. me is hopeless le..
i REALLY REALLY REALLY UNTILL CANNOT REALLY HATE MYSELF...
When i can find my true love.. everytime you left me.. i was so sad...
i scare you won't come back... but everytime i need you.. you alway right beside me..
to help me.. care about me..why treat me so good... i really don know wat to do....
i wanted to tell you about this.. but i can't.. you sure avoid me de...
i don wan this to happen.. we only can remain as friends...
I HATE MYSELF!!!
SO UGLY AND FAT!!
USELESS PERSON!!

sign off:
EiLeEn

*Be Yourself~